" The Testimony Of Louise Baltimore "

"Some 20ths have no more sense of survival than a stalk of broccoli .They'll walk right into a gun . They don't believe death can happen to them , especially the young ones.Then there are their odd political ideas.They are often obsessed with the explanation they 'deserve,'the things they have a ' right ' to, the decent treatment we 'owe' them.Very weird stuff. Me , I'll do anything somebody with a gun tells me to do , and say please and thank you . And kill him instantly if he gives me a chance . " "That's one of the main things we study when we bone up on a culture:what words will shock the hell out of 'em .In the twentieth century it was mostly intercourse and excrement." " Instead of just enriched blood , adrenalin and vitamins- the wake up mixture - we were now getting an insane brew of hyper - drenalin , methedrine , essence of hysteria , TNT , and kickapoo joyjuice . We picked up those half corpses and tossed them around like beanbags. I could have torn sheet metal with my eyebrows. " " Time travel is so dangerous it makes H - bombs seem like perfectly safe gifts for children and imbeciles. "" It was as if my refrigerator had come into Operations, tap dancing and singing 'Suwannee' wearing a sandwich board proclaiming the end of the world. "- The previously mentioned irreverent and sarcastic observations represent a mere segment of the scathing rhetorical muse Louise Baltimore , Chief Of Snatch Operations & time traveling stewardess in John Varleys novel " Millenium ." The film,a mediocre effort,featured Cheryl Ladd as Louise & Kris Kristofferson as NTSB investigator Bill Smith . The plot & mild performances ( which involved snatching people from disasterous cataclysmic events & replacing them with identical,premanufactured dead bodies called " wimps " to prevent paradoxes in the timestream via a wormhole machine called " the gate " .. and this was before the " Stargate " television series & after " Time Tunnel " which I loved )alerted me to the fact that this HAD to be an outstanding novel .. and I wasn't / am not disappointed in the least . I am FLOORED . The level of detail and insight into the workings of the NTSB concerning mid - air collisions & ground impacts involving large airframes is astonishing , as well as the seamless blending of time travel theory, relativity,causality and effect.There is even a new language with terms like " twonky" , " temporal censorship " and " post offices "...a reference to a massive storage complex for time capsules containing bricks or stone tablets bearing messages ( and helpful hints ) from yourself from the future you haven't been to yet , to be opened at an exact date and time ( or the effects can be disasterous .)Seriously .. if H.G. Wells was tylenol, Varley would be the oxycontin or heroin of time travel.(Yeah , I know , that's a stretch metaphorically , but after a few chapters I feel like I need a smoke or a nap , and I don't even smoke anymore.)I started wishing I could remake the movie with Marg Helgenberger as Louise. She has the perfect look for someone who looks like a screen siren frozen in time ( in her " skinsuit " ) who is actually hundreds of years old ( yet perpetually appearing to be thirty .. I can just imagine her grinning in the mirror thinking " smile .. you beautiful fraud , you.. " ) I'd love to hear some ideas on what actor would make a good Bill Smith .. anyone ? - Nexus 6